Difficult Conversations
HOW TO DISCUSS WHAT MATTERS MOST
By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen
Foreword by Roger Fisher, 3rd Ed., 08/22/23
Difficult Conversations, in my opinion, is more about how to work through and talk about difficult situations. The authors narrate this recently updated 11 hour edition, which is another installment from the Harvard Negotiation Project. After reading, you will transform difficult conversations into what the authors call a learning conversation.
Why You Should Read this Book:
We all need to have difficult conversations. I realize that I assume other people's intentions. Also, if my intentions are noble, it should make the problem go away, right? The book points out how this can cause communication breakdown. Instead, the authors discuss how to operate a 3 conversation approach to get to the learning conversation. They provide a checklist at the end of the book to easily remember their points. It works. I recently used their technique for a very difficult conversation. I felt like it was magic.
The overarching theme is be curious, seek to understand and listen. This seems to be reoccurring in effective communication.
How this Book will Improve Your Communication, Peace Building, or Conflict Resolution Skills:
Difficult Conversations methodically walks you through the steps that will lead to a learning conversation. The authors are fantastic in their real life examples after each step. The conversations are broad and include professional, as well as very personal potential situations. You will be prepared for your next difficult conversation.
What is the Most Useful Tool to Learn:
The book is full of techniques to improve communication. I think the most useful tool is to say "I feel" versus "I feel like". How does that make sense? The authors point out that when you add the "like" it creates judgment, which can hinder communication. Try it out. "I feel hurt" instead of "I feel like you are spending too much time on social media." I chose to highlight this tool because it should be easy (cross your fingers) to change.
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